Couples therapy feels big, doesn’t it? Like things are bad if you have to go to couples therapy. The idea of it can be incredibly nerve-racking. Some questions that come to mind might include: Does couples therapy work? Is it even worth it? What if my partner won’t come? How do I know we can trust this therapist?
Does couples therapy work?
Yes. According to a recent study over 75% of clients report an improvement in their couple relationship after seeing a marriage and family therapist. However, will it work for you and your relationship is a different question. There are many factors that contribute to whether or not couples therapy will work for you. Here’s another question, is what you are doing working now? If nothing else, going to therapy will get you to try something new and hopefully create a new dynamic that works over time.
Does going to couples therapy make me a failure?
No. Not at all. But I get it. We are surrounded by messaging that implies we should all be in some romantic relationship and it should be the most amazing thing ever. Reality is most of us did not get a comprehensive education on how to be in relationship with someone. Communication, trust, and love are all common words with complex definitions. Dynamics of relationships are often well oiled machines that are difficult to shift into new gears without some assistance. Couples therapy can help with all those things and more.
On another note. You are not alone in coming to couples therapy. Nearly 50% of married couples have gone to marriage counseling.
What if I like our couples therapist, but my partner(s) doesn’t?
This happens sometimes. If it’s early on in the work, allow your partner and the therapist time to build rapport with one another. You can also bring this in as an issue during session. “It seems like therapy is working for me, but I’m worried my partner isn’t seeing any benefit.”
What if my partner doesn’t want to come to couples counseling?
Often one person will be more motivated than the other to attend couples counseling. Sometimes one person will agree to come to just one session and may have required some bribing. Certainly this isn’t the ideal scenario; however, sometimes one session is enough to “convince” your partner to come to a few more sessions.
Alternatively, if your partner(s) is dead set on not coming, consider coming in for some individual therapy. You don’t have to wait on your partner to start working on yourself and your relationship. You can gain relationship skills by working with a therapist individually that might help you relationship in the long-run.
How do I find the right therapist?
Sometimes the right therapist doesn’t feel right the first couple of sessions. If you and yours go in for a session and are not sure if it will work out, do what you can to commit to at least a few sessions before ditching the therapist. Furthermore, communicate with your therapist about what is not working so that they can course correct or help you find someone that might be a better fit for you.
Couples therapy may involves sensitive topics. In an ideal world all therapists would accept you and yours without problem, but the reality is sometimes there are identities and issues that may not be a good fit for a therapist. Some areas of importance and competency may include: belonging to a particular demographic such as BIPOC or LGBTQ+ community, ENM/Poly/Open affirmative, sex-positive, kink affirmative, religious based therapy, etc. As terrifying as this might sound, most therapists will be able to tell you if they would be a good fit for what you are looking for or could recommend someone that fits your needs.
Bottom Line
If you are in a relationship that is not working right now, stop trying the same stuff over and over and expecting different results. If you’re ready to start working with a couples therapist, contact us to find out more about our services and availability.
