You’ve heard of positive self-talk. You’ve seen the suggestion to wake up and say nice things to yourself like “You are beautiful. You are amazing. You are enough.” Maybe you cringe at the idea of waking up to a happy affirmation on a Post-It or a voice in your head is saying something negative right now as you read about all this positivity. The experts sometimes make it sound like you simply heal your negative self-talk with positive self-talk. You’ve probably tried to say positive things to yourself, but it just didn’t stick. There might be another way to address negative self-talk and Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs).
Meditation
Meditation can be thought of as active focus and awareness of the present. It also is a practice of active rest for the wandering mind. For example, if your mind is often racing or focused on the negative, meditation gives your mind space to focus on something else like your breathing, a mantra, or a visualization. Meditation is often thought of as something you do for an extended amount of time, but it can also be practiced in 30 second-5 minute intervals. Start where you can be successful.
Mindful Observation
Mindful Observation is one skill of many within a mindful toolbox. The practice involves you sensing and experiencing without describing. Since you are reading this, I assume there is at least a couple things working out for you right now. Taking time to observe the things that are working for you can help your mind shift away from negativity without forcing you to put positive self-talk in your vocabulary just yet. An example of this might be observing things like taking a shower, brushing your teeth, getting into bed, eating something you enjoy, etc. By making an effort to observe these experiences we are better able to see that we take care of ourselves sometimes.
Gratitude
Gratitude might be overplayed at this point, but it remains an incredibly useful skill. Some say you cannot be grateful and angry or fearful at the same time. Negative self-talk often comes from places that anger and fear live. Naming something you are grateful for daily can shift your perspective.
(Silent) Self-Love
With mindful observation you seek to observe practices you already do that show kindness to yourself. With a self-love practice you actively engage in practices that show care to yourself. This could be making sure you put on lotion after a shower or get to sleep on time. Other ideas include: changing your phone’s screensaver you enjoy, going out to a movie, or getting a hike in. Self-love is doing something nice for yourself rather than saying something nice about yourself–which can be easier for those of us who abhor words of affirmation.
Neutral Self-Talk
Jumping from negative self-talk to positive self-talk is sometimes too big of a change. Aiming for neutral self-talk may be a better goal for you when you are working on your self-talk and self-esteem. Bonus! It also helps you practice being non-judgmental. Below are some examples of neutral self-talk statements:
- I am okay
- That was a mistake
- This is what I can handle right now
- I am safe
- I am working on accepting me as I am
- It’s been better, but also worse than today. Today is fine.
Adding positive self-talk into your life may not be the balm you were looking for, but it will probably be helpful increasing your overall life satisfaction. Recent studies show that it can improve your confidence and help you cope with stress. If you struggle with negative self-talk, low self-esteem, or stress, consider reaching out for additional help via therapy. Check out our FAQ for more information about how therapy works.
